They both took a deep breath and said in unison, “_____, I love you.”

Caught in between them, you just sat there while they glared at each other for a moment. Then they turned to you. Austria said, “Vell? Who do you pick?”

“Yeah, poppet. Which one of us do you like more?” England said.

~

You sat there, “I-I don’t know!”

“Then I will fight for your hand!” England said, standing up dramatically, suddenly decked out in pirate garb.

Austria stood as well, “Oh, vill you now? I vill not lose to zhe likes of you!”

“Wait!” you yelled out, as they started sword fighting in the middle of your sitting room. It was quite dramatic, and the both of them were well matched. The clamor of clashing swords filled your ears as you sat there, utterly confused.

Tony the alien suddenly occupied the seat England had been in, and he got up to curl in your lap like a cat or a toddler, stuck his thumb in his mouth and went to sleep. About to question where this freak of nature had come from, Austria’s sword hit the tea pot and made it explode into glitter, which made your utterance evolve into a scream.

But as England looked to you covered in glitter in surprise, his sword was changed into a swordfish, and Austria was able to pin him to the floor. “Any last vords?” Austria seethed.

“Just these!” And England began to mumble strange words all in a string that you couldn’t place, until all of you were illuminated in a strange glow. Austria was still determined to kill England, so he tried to stab him.

His sword turned into a bouquet of fake flowers, and he said, “Vhat zhe-” right before England started to vomit a rainbow.

You were hyperventilating, due to all of this craziness, and Tony was still asleep on your lap. Japan was suddenly walking up your wall, like it was completely normal, and when he saw you staring he just said, “You can’t see me, I’m a ninja.”

England’s spell had gone horribly wrong, and he eventually vomited out an entire rainbow. There was a leprechaun, who also seemed to be a miniature Canada, dancing on a large pot of gold. The entire sitting room was cast in an eerie rainbow glow, and England wiped the rainbow residue from his mouth. Austria was just standing there holding his bouquet of fake flowers, looking like something was going to happen any minute.

You heard the call of, “I’M THE HERO!!!!” America crashed dramatically onto your window, and slid down it, all dressed up in a Superman costume.

France suddenly waltzed in, wearing nothing but a rose. It brought a blush to your cheeks, and you couldn’t help but wonder what on Earth was going on. Immediately after France came in, you noticed Tony had turned into Greece, now sleeping in your lap. Norway charged into your house then, yelling, “THE WAY TO NARNIA IS UP FRANCE’S ASS!!!”

So a bunch of trolls started chasing France around your living room. You just sat there, thinking about how Greece could possibly sleep though this, when the entire universe turned into a giant mustache and flew away.

Fin.