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Oliver nodded, but told you, “Well, poppet, why don’t we both choose something we’d like from the other, then whoever wins can claim their prize.”


You smiled at him, accepting the terms and thinking of what you might like from him. He got out a beautiful pocket watch and handed it to you. You received the object wide eyed, (e/c) orbs entranced in its beauty. Which, after a moment of quick deliberation, you decided was almost up to par with its master. “Love, if I can’t find you in the next two hours, you win. If I can, I win, deal?”

“Deal.” you said, manic grin returning.

Oliver looked down on you, “Cheating and foul play?”

“Still acceptable. And a little is encouraged. After all, we want this to be fun, right?” you said, looking up into those blue swirling eyes. You could swear there were pink hues flecked in as well, and you were almost completely lost in them.

But you were ripped from his eyes when a lovely depraved smile crossed his face. “Sounds perfect, poppet.” Again your heart raced, but he just went on, “I’ll only be counting to forty five this time. Think you can handle it?”

“Bring it on!” you said playfully, ready to hide again. Then you became slightly thoughtful once more. What did you want from Oliver?

You still mused while he began to speak once more, “Now, love, I think I’ll count in here, and you’ll just have to find somewhere else, alright?”

Nodding, you moved towards the door. “No peeking!” you warned once again.

“Oh, really?” Oliver asked, cocking his head with a smirk, “How would you stop me, love?”

Grinning you told him, “I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve too, Ollie.”

With that you left him to his thoughts, bounding down the hallway, wondering where he might check. Thinking you hadn’t really gotten a chance to explore the basement, you decided to see if there was any place to hide down there.


Oliver knew exactly what he wanted from you, and he would spare no expense to get it. He knew all too well how this game went, but you were no ordinary player. Would he finally be beaten?

Would you ask to be set free?

He realized if you did, he might even oblige. Oliver had grown attached to you, and while he never wanted you to leave, he felt considerate of your feelings.

Whispering to himself in resolution he said, “Well then, I’ll just have to find her first, won’t I?”

With that he set out, ready to use any and all means necessary to find you and get what he wanted.


You walked into your new hiding place, which seemed to be a bit a slaughter house. But you knew that smell. That was no ordinary flesh.

Of course, the stench was apparent, but not overpowering. What was more evident was the delicious smell of cooked treats coming from a little room off the side of the slaughterhouse. Walking, you realized you must have gone up a set of stairs, because the little kitchen had windows and blue checkered curtains that let in a beautiful light on the pastel pink walls. You could see little cupcakes and meat pies, and thought, Well, why don’t I try out a recipe?

He probably won’t be down here anytime soon.

And I don’t seem to care if I’m found.</i>

So with these thoughts in mind, you opened a cookbook that seemed handwritten.

The page you finally stopped on was the meat pies. It was a normal recipe, other than the type of meat. Cocking your head you looked down at the book for a moment, then went in the refrigerator.

You had to find,

1 cup diced Liar

2 cups chopped Cusser

and assorted vegetables to taste.

After you found the Liar and the Cusser labeled neatly back in the slaughter house, you went back to work making the crust. But you decided to change up a few things, just to make it your own.

Baking was always fun.


Ollie searched for the longest time, and began to get worried once again. But then he heard a peculiar sound. It was a door closing in the basement.

His blue eyes widened in surprise. Oliver always assumed people would try to escape as they hid, but you had actually gone back! He was slightly worried, thinking about you discovering all his hidden secrets down there.

Ollie hurried into the basement, noticing little things that were out of place.

Now sincerely afraid of what you might think, of finding you cowering in a corner, he opened the slaughterhouse door.

Still, you weren’t in there.

At the end of the room, the door was slightly ajar, a beautiful smell coming from the room. So he made his way there, only seeing you from behind, inspecting a cupcake. They were the ones he offered you to get you here.

But there were three different batches. And you were holding the one in the pink wrapper, the one filled with deadly poison.

“Poppet!” he said loudly, making you jump and turn around.

To his horror, you were eating another cupcake. Your beautiful (e/c) eyes widened in surprise, “I’m sorry, Oliver. Am I not supposed to be in here?”

“I...” he started, then stopped, looking for the wrapper. Then with a sigh he found it. It was a blue and pink swirled wrapper. The one batch that was completely harmless. “No, love, it’s alright.”


You smiled as you learned you weren’t in trouble. Oliver walked over to you, taking the cupcake you hadn’t started yet and putting it back on the plate. “Those ones in the pink wrappers aren’t meant for you, poppet.”

“Oh,” you said, “I’m terribly sorry.” What if he didn’t want you in here? What if he was mad you were cooking? What if-What if he asked you to leave? What if he took you back to the house with the white walls and gave you to the men in white coats?

You certainly didn’t want that...

He smiled back at you, “It’s quite alright.”

Then the timer went off and you clapped your hands. “They’re done!”

“What’s done, love?” Oliver looked at you, befuddled and adorable.


Oliver had just noticed the pink and blue apron you had put on. It was one of the cutest things that he had ever seen, and as you got out things from the oven he was sure this had to be love.

Crazy love, but isn’t that the best kind?

So he came up behind you, slipping a hand in your pocket and pulling out the pocket watch. Swinging it before your eyes he said, “I won.”

You looked up at him, suddenly with a worried look in your eyes. “You’re going to ask me to leave, aren’t you?”

“What?” he asked, stunned.

You bowed your head, (h/c) locks spilling over your face. “I can just go...” you said dejectedly, turning to walk away.

“But what if I told you I was going to ask you to stay?” Oliver said, catching you in a warm hug and wiping away the tears collecting in your (e/c) eyes.

You frowned, “You-You mean it?”

Oliver placed a sweet, chaste kiss on your lips, watching a blush spread over your cheeks. “Of course I mean it, love.”

You smiled in relief and hugged him tightly back. “So you’re not going to make me go back? I didn’t like that house, or the men in white coats. Please don’t make me go back, Oliver, I love it here. I love spending time with you.” you said all in a rush. With your face in his chest, he didn’t quite hear the last part.

“What was that last part again, love?” he asked, tipping your teary chin back up to look him in the eye.

You said fearfully, “I think I love you, and I don’t want to leave this place, ever.”

“Well,” Oliver smiled knowing you felt the same and said, “you won’t have to. Because I think I love you too, poppet.”


He leaned down to kiss you again, and even with the softness of it all, you could still taste a hint of cupcake frosting that made you smile.

You didn’t want it to ever end.

“Woah, break it up there, lovebirds.” Al said, walking in through the kitchen door, a little blood splatter on his cheeks.

You stepped away from Oliver, embarrassed, but he put an arm around your shoulders and held you close. Looking at the two brothers in the awkward silence, you asked Al, “Al, would you like a meat pie?”

“What? Like... one of his?” he asked, concerned.

You smiled, “I made them myself! I used his recipe, but I made just a few tweaks here and there.”

Al turned to the stovetop where they were cooling. A sickened look crossed his face and yours darkened. You discreetly picked up the butchers knife you had used to collect the liar and cusser from the back of the slaughter house. Al backed away, saying, “I’d really like to, but you see, I’m a vegan. Ask-Ask Oliver there, he’ll tell you.”

“Are you insulting my culinary skills?” you asked, moving towards him with a glint in your darkened, flashing (e/c) eyes.

His own red eyes widened and he escaped out the door before you could threaten him a second longer.

You looked back at Oliver, who was shaking with silent laughter. He brought you into another hug, “Love, you can stay forever and a half if you’d like to.”


And with this little plan the two of you lived happily ever after. Well by your standards. Which means killing, rampaging, baking people into meat pies, poisoning cupcakes...

You know.

The usual.
And the final installment with our lovely crazy Reader-chan. I had a lot of fun with this one. ^^


Part I:[link]


2p!England and 2p!America are not mine.

You are 2p!Englands.

And 2p!America is yours. Don't ask why. Take him and run.
Add a Comment:
Whybot221 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2015
So very beautiful😍...thank you for making a story where the reader loves Oliver back and is just as fun as he is:)
Erica-the-Nekomimi Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2015
Ah, don't you just love it when two crazy people fall in love? Thank you for writing the best 2pEngland/Oliver x Reader I've ever read! I personally think that the reader should want to enjoy being captured if they are looking for fanfiction like this one. (Why else would you search for it? The reader should love Oliver's craziness and insanity and accept it if they truly love the character!)
Whybot221 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2015
So very true...:)
AlleniaLR Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015
I relate to this so~ much. I love it, I really don't see my self cowering.
Thank you so much for writing this~
JokerxDrocellx Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2015  Hobbyist
I'm so happy someone finally wrote a fan fiction with England and a crazy reader!
PowerOfPeaches Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2015
My friend gave me such a horrified face when I told him how much I could relate to this. He's very concerned and terrified. It's hilarious.
LuckRose Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2014
I loved it!
ueitheglaceon Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yup, usual!
KylexLucille Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2014  Student Writer
Ugh this was perfect!!! <3
I loved the ending XD
Kittycattycat Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014
I officially LOVE this story!!! Crazy!Readers are always fun!
VantasticCalligraphy Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I'll take him and run allright.... Aradia stares into your soul 
multicolorediris404 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
VantasticCalligraphy Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
FANGIRLHetalia Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I also haven't had a meat pie before...I wanna try one!!!~
FANGIRLHetalia Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I loved the ending!!!~
That's how I would be over my laptop or my reaction to Hetalia haters:
What's wrong with your laptop? Why is it so slow?
:iconfangirlhetalia::*picks up a kitchen knife* Care to repeat that?
Why do you like this lame anime show where everyone's a country?
:iconfangirlhetalia::*picks up kitchen knife* Wanna repeat that?
RoseMaylieGottschalk Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
O0O Alice and jack the killer
Lucariona1 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hehehehehehe I loved this... I should try to find out the recipe. >:3
Ladybugg042602 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014
Hehehe I sound like a crazed version of Kira hehehe
gamer-girl133 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Great, now I'm hungry for cupcakes. :/
NikoKarma Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Finaly a oliver story I can relate too!!!!
*light sigh followed by a smile* they always have me cowering in corners and i don't realy see myself doing that anytime.soon, so thank you~
Creepypasta54321 Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
*Huggles* My lord darling you could make it better~! This has to be my very favorite ollie x reader ever! If you made it a series i think i would have had a adorable overload or something ^u^
NOMNOMSUN Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*Grabs story* :iconsnugglyplz:
It's TOO GOOD!!!
FANGIRLHetalia Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Reader-chan is awesome!!! She scared away 2p! America by just giving him a dark glare!!!!
WoofWooftheKiller Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Student General Artist
doesnt he also put people and poison into cupcakes..?
WoofWooftheKiller Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Student General Artist
you'd be surpirised the 2p i like is england he reminds me of pinkamenia....
904ROCK904 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
He kind of is, pinkamenia bakes ponies into cupcakes, he bakes people in to meat pies
VargasLovesPasta Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I let my crazy go in a quiet maniacal giggle, anyway I LUB DIS is so what I wanted to find in a story!!!
ckeretbirdy Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I really wanted to laugh like a maniac and let my crazy shine… but unfortunately… I'm in a library… :D :D :D
KRTimeshifter Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2014  Student Writer
"Crazy love,but isn't that the best kind?"   Yes it is the best kind!!!Cuz IM CRAZY!!
aylastehr Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2014
The crazy ones seem to have the most fun.
xweehugs Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
peahgosip Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014
I don't know but i'm read this story again and again maybe because i'm CRaZY.
deaththekit Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I am crazy !!! :-)!!!!:-)! :-)! :-)!!!! :-)!!! :-)!! :-)
kittykatrocks12 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I LOVE the idea of me being crazy. This is Awesome
PlayaBeast1834 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013
Great minds think alike >w<
Female-Canada Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
the usual!!

MURDER IS FUN!! *insane giggles*
Oliver: Poppet, cupcakes are done!!
Oooh, what's it this time?
Oliver: Cusser, Idiot, and Racist!!
Mmm!! Sounds delicious!!
Faustita Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2013
I LOVE ITTT!!! :D Im crazy 2 :3 lol! -giggles maniaclly XD i spelled it wrong dint i  XD -eats cupcakes- ;)
Fireheart150 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Reading and writing things like these is what makes others think im crazy xD i love thisss
AutumnsEveMoon Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2013  Student General Artist
OMG!! XD I LOVE THIS!! I normally don't get so excited but it's sooo good and unique! Olivers such a cutie I don't understand why anyone would want to leave him!? X3
shikyoDEATH Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Student General Artist
Let's give some pink cupcakes to the men in white coats! :D the best things in life are insane!
aylastehr Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014
Words to live by. Sanity is overrated. :)
transformicerawks11 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013  Student Digital Artist
snakercow Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I dont even. ITs too good. :iconhandspazzplz: :iconyay2penglandplz: :iconyay2pamericaplz: 
Angeliquediabla Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
Beautiful in a sick twisted way....really like it....
Timeshiftingphoenix Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013
Um, by the men in white coats, did you mean like those evil twisted whitecoats in the maximum ride series?
666kurai Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2013
Ah, I was actually thinking about that when I wrote it, but I just meant like doctors in lab coats really.
hedgehogs11 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Firekitten :iconfirekitten12: i feel you bo, my own family says I belong in the mad house to, because i like knives and such, I see nothing wrong with it. I am not insane, I jjust have a dfferent way of thinking!
hedgehogs11 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yayz! But did you know that liar and cusser is actually a type of vegtable, very rare vegtable, but i hear thy taste delicious...
MadHattress77 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, I was thrilled when I saw the "part 2" link in the first one, and BLOODY HELL IT DIDN'T DISAPPOINT ME!!!:iconheartrollplz::icon2penglandjoyplz::iconluvluvplz:
Firekitten12 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
*red flashing in my crystal blue eyes* just like, but better. My friends always said I was crazy, but I like it! An enemy said I diserved the mad house, but it made even madder, just like the hatter from alice in wonderland! *is sharpening a dagger* tehehe, nya!
Add a Comment:

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