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WARNING: I swear. Big whoop. Oh, and Captain _____ can be your first name or last. Whatever you prefer. ^^ (But it probably should be last to be an equivalent to Captain Kirkland...)


You were the best goddamn pirate on the seven seas. And everyone that had ever set foot on one of those infamous vessels knew it. Running on adrenaline, luck, and skill, you were always spectacular, which led to no one questioning your sex.

Black pirate garb, gilded with gold embroidery of the finest kind, almost always graced your skin, and your sword was never out of reach. With a back up dagger in your boot, you were a deadly foe. Deadly, unless you were evenly matched. So far, you had never come across an opponent even worthy of your presence. You pondered this lacking enemy in your life as you stood at the bow of the Raven, the wind and salt whipping at your face, and playing with your strands of (h/c) hair that escaped your black pirate’s hat, with the large black feather, and a (f/c) gem decorating it.

Just traversing the seas, you lived the good life. You took what you wanted, and were considered ruthless. Your men were loyal to the point of them laying down their lives for you, and you treated them all well. There had been a time when mutiny threatened your livelihood. But you took down the attacking men single handedly, with all the ships from miles around watching your swordsmen ship with their spyglasses. They had all experienced, near firsthand, your skills, and were keen to steer clear out of your rampage. Now all your men knew that they would never have a better captain, and were satisfied and honored to spend the rest of their natural lives by your side.

Besides, all that mutinous behavior had happened decades ago. That’s right, decades. Your ship was blessed. Or I suppose you could say it was cursed, but her captain would never die. And that was you.

You pillaged villages, took all the goods in the houses of nobles, ransacked other ships, even other pirate ships. You had absolutely no rules, and always found a way to make your name uttered in hushed tones.

“Captain!” A loud voice broke you from your reverie. “We’re out of rum!”

You turned to face your men, looking at you expectantly. A smirk on your lips you commanded, “Get me my spyglass. We’ll find the nearest ship.”

One of your deck hands bounded off to fulfill the request, and you awaited him patiently, hand outstretched. Far off in the distance you saw a vessel, not dissimilar to your own. Shutting the spyglass, you called out, “Ready yourself, men. There’s another pirate’s ship not too far from here.”

“Aye, Captain.” they said, immediately preparing to board the other ship and take it for all it was worth.

You grinned, scaling the ropes to sit in the crow’s nest. This was the best part.


“What?” Captain Kirkland scoffed, “I’m not afraid of Captain _____!”

His men cowered, and one poor superstitious soul spoke out, “Captain! They say if you speak her name so loudly, she appears!”

“Oh, really?” Kirkland smirked. “Bring her on! I can take her!”

Alfred, Kirkland’s favored hand, stood, “Captain, sir, despite all your accomplishments, she is not human!”

“Neither am I!” Kirkland said with a smirk, thinking of the strength of the entire English Empire, at this time a massive world power, behind him.

Alfred’s blue eyes widened, “Exactly why I wouldn’t like to see the two of you face off!”

“Captain!” a frantic voice trilled out over the madness, drawing Captain Kirkland’s attention to the crow’s nest.

Kirkland yelled, “What is it?”

“A boat! Approaching fast, off the starboard side!” Then a sharp intake of breath was heard, over the choppy seas, and he hollered, “It’s the Raven!”

Green eyes wide, Kirkland turned to see the speck coming towards them in the distance. It was in fact, a blackened dot coming at them quite quickly. How had you known he was questioning your skills? Brandishing his sword, he realized he didn’t particularly care. All he wanted was to defeat you, and your legend that preceded you, once and for all.

The Raven glided up along side his own ship smoothly, your men not yet making a move. In fact, he couldn’t see a thing. What he didn’t know was your men were occupied with subduing his canons. Couldn’t have them damaging your ship, now could they?

It was just you. And for a moment Kirkland was utterly paralyzed. You were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Your long black coat was tailored to fit you perfectly, and you swung on a rope across the gap between the two ships, wind rustling through your gorgeous (h/c) hair. When you landed on the edge of his ship, he could see your (e/c) eyes, sparkling in excitement.

But you just stood up there, hand dangerously close to your scabbard, and said calmly, “If you give me all of your supplies, I’ll let you live.”

“Bloody hell, woman, are you daft?!” Captain Kirkland said, taking out his pistol and shooting you once in the chest. At the impact you fell backwards, making people gasp. Were you really so easily defeated?

No. No you weren’t. They saw your hand, on one of their ropes. You kicked the side of the boat, flipped over backwards, and landed back aboard, a smile wide on your face as you faced the sea.

You laughed out loud at the silly attempt, and turned to spit the bullet out at a terrified Alfred. It hit him in the forehead, and he picked it up, feeling woozy. Laughing heartily, you drew your sword, “You thought you could just shoot me? Are you daft?”

“What are you?” Captain Kirkland asked, mystified at your peculiar nature.

That grin never left, and you said quietly, “Your worst nightmare.”

He was fed up with this. Maybe you could spit out a bullet, but he decided to see whether you could reattach your head. The dreaded Captain Arthur Kirkland, the entire English Empire, the world power, didn’t have to take that from a silly little girl playing pirate. He came at you with his sword drawn, ready to duel.

Of course, you had once taken down an entire ship of mutinous sailors, but he was the bloody British Empire! He could hold his own against anybody!

Kirkland wanted to wipe that smirk off your face, but he realized you weren’t even looking at him. You looked around him, the chaotic fight that had broken out as your men boarded below and made their way to the deck. “Your men aren’t weak. I like that. Let’s hope you know how to have some fun.” you told him with a smile, looking stunning.

And with that, you came at him as well.

Suddenly the two of you were lost in a flurry of sword strikes, clashing with such force that sparks flew. Kirkland could tell your obsidian shaded blade was no ordinary metal, but he couldn’t take it into consideration too long.

You had immediately taken the offensive, however so had he. It was peculiar, but somehow it worked. With each move taken, you would move from another blow and give out one of your own, swords clashing frequently.

Such ferocity was unseen in these men’s short lives, and everyone circled around to watch the brutal display. You were ecstatic. You had never dueled with someone so talented before!

Your black coat was ripped, and his hat had been knocked clean in half by your honed blade. He had a small knick along his cheek, which had begun to sting. Blood dribbled down, disappearing in the red of his red coat, that was slowly degrading in the fight. And still both of you whirled, exhilarated and full of bloodlust.

Only infuriating him further, you began to talk casually to your crew. Unlike Captain Kirkland, you were able to focus on many things, and had realized you were putting on a show for all the crew, adding a few flourishes here and there to taste. “Men!” you shouted.

“Aye, Captain!” they hollered back, ready to take any command, and happy you were alright with them staring.

You smiled as you saw Kirkland angered by your casual air, his moves slipping ever so slightly. “Kill no one. And don’t set any fires.” Sometimes you harnessed ‘greek fire’ to make sure not a soul could ever chase after you.

“Aye, Captain!” they chorused again.

As you conversed with your crew, you could see Kirkland’s anger getting to him more and more. Breaking eye contact for half a second, you looked to your best hand and nodded at him, as if to say, ‘now’. Hopefully he would know what you wanted, and you saw him moving, which was a good sign.

But Captain Kirkland took advantage of this. He was in close, dangerously close to you, and you had to deal with his fury driven blows. Once more, you quickly gained the upper hand, with your head back in the game. You were working at breakneck speeds, and eventually had him against the far wall, one fall away from being shark bait.

With your last strike you managed to disarm him, his hand slashed open a bit. For a moment you kept him staring at the edge of your sword with beautiful wide green eyes, but you lowered your weapon.

You moved closer to him, staring deep into those viridescent orbs. He was attractive, and talented. You had the urge to throw him over your shoulder and keep as a toy. But that wasn’t how your did things. Standing right before him, you shot your hand out behind him to grab the rope you had taken over and secured, which made him flinch. Getting a good grip on it you kissed him softly and quickly, then jumped back to your own vessel.

The Raven was already speeding along, your men having taken your signal and emptied Kirkland’s ship of goods. You were now fully stocked, and completely spent.

You stood on the stern of the Raven, waving back to the dumbstruck Captain Kirkland, who had turn to watch you leave. “Until we meet again, Kirkland!” you said with a bow and a flourish of your hat. Which had inexplicably managed to remain in your possession throughout the fight.

Kirkland watched you leave for a bit, but when you were a good ways off, someone snapped out of it and said, “She made off with all our loot!”

Captain Kirkland’s eyes narrowed as he thought of you, and said under his breath with a vicious smirk, “Yes... Until we meet again, bloody vixen...”
I realized I had never written anything with a truly badass Reader-chan. So, here you go, all you badass people out there. ^^ Have fun with Iggy, but be gentle. d=
Anyway, how do you guys like this? Part two? Because I'm not really sure...


In other news, I finally replaced my iPod! I now have a gen 5 iPod touch in perfect working condition, and no longer have to press the headphone jack on my poor four year old gen 2 iPod touch to get music to play in the left earbud. Her name is Emmeline. (If you can place that reference correctly, you will win an imaginary prize. And yes, I name my electronics.) I... am happy. Er. Than usual. Carry on...


Hetalia and all its characters belong to Himaruya Hidekaz

You belong to Captain Kirkland. :iconpirateiggyplz: Or does he belong to you? o.O
Add a Comment:
Escritora2Aliasfox Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
hum...bloody vixen! i like it...

also, i would have liked it even more if she had actually taken him over her shoulder and kidnaped him along with the goods.

the second chapter would be fun! his men (alfred included) would have to go to rescue him no matter how terrified they would be, while the captain has some fun with him! XD
CinnamonPie29594 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
FeliBakaCosplay Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
WHERE PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!111France (Denies) [V1] France (Crying) [V3] 
GraceHolt182 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I love this! This is great! <3Llama Emoji-23 (Shyness) [V1] Llama Emoji-23 (Shyness) [V1] Llama Emoji-23 (Shyness) [V1] Llama Emoji-23 (Shyness) [V1] Pikachu Loves It Plz Pikachu Loves It Plz Pikachu Loves It Plz Spooky Scary Swiggity Swooty Marionette (Chat Icon Spooky Scary Swiggity Swooty Marionette (Chat Icon Pixel Rose Pixel Rose 
jeffarnette Featured By Owner May 18, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
this Is what I would do, and I just defeated the bloody British empire so suck it Arty
TheFlightlessAngel13 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love how reader-cyan just kisses him and runs off.

Me: TAKE THAT YA BLOODY BRITISH EMPIRE!! HA HA!!! Junko Enoshima (Insane Laugh) [V2] 

Spain: Someone get the straightjacket! Sophskie's going crazy!!

Me: You'll never catch me! HA HA!!!
Skylox-Addiction Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
He's the United bloody Kingdom and he can hold his loc better than Captain ____ anyday APH England: /shot 
Midnighteyeless Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015
He juz called me a bloody vixen......
thedemidod Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I love it! This story is so awesome!
How the hell did I get an obsidian sword and Greek fire? That shit is deadly. 
tinyhedgehog Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my gosh, I was looking for this story because it's so AMAZING and now I've FOUND IT! This is one of the best stories I think I've read and I just love it so much!!!
Melody-lyric Featured By Owner Edited Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Arthur: Why didn't you stop them from getting our things?!
Crew: We were to busy and her.
Arthur: Bloody Hell!!!!
Me: thinks:'Kirkland was a cute guy and he belongs to me' says: Nice work men!
RoseMaylieGottschalk Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Loved this epic story
JazzyLick Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
Mein gotts
cookiehades Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014
*sees the warning* Oh, how bad can your cursing be? 

First line: You were the best goddamn pirate...

JazzyLick Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
Omg I just died laughing X'D
Storm-Depomiere Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2014
Ladybugg042602 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014
Ladybugg042602 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014
He belongs to me mwahahahaha *kisses aurthur* your mine
TheAnimeNerdTurtle Featured By Owner Edited Jun 25, 2014  Hobbyist Filmographer
I just love that opening sentence.
And this whole story. 
16CleverTaunts Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I absolutely love this! Pirates? Iggy Pirate? PFFTTT! PERFECT!~
Lebenen Featured By Owner May 23, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Nemesis! Frenamie! Adversary! Yin and Yang! Chaos and Freedom!
midnightlover1029 Featured By Owner May 8, 2014
I absolutely adore this story soo badly!!!! Keep up the good work!!! (y)
midnightlover1029 Featured By Owner May 8, 2014
Ignore rhe 'y' thing... Hehe...
HetaliaFanatic1205 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014  Student Artist
You need to make a part 2. RIGHT NOW.

gothicskull119 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
pleeeeease part 2~
gothicskull119 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
ignore this. i am an idiot
bossshipper Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014
OMG yesss I am in love with this. Pls make a part 2!!! And he belongs to me >_<
starkiller11240 Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
so... are we a country? seeing as we survived the bullet (and spat it out) I can't think of anything human that can do that.
elephantgirl202 Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2014
Lousiey Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh please oh please make a part 2!! :iconsadenglandplz:
VivaAmerica Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014
BWAHAHAHAAAA! I GOT ENGLAND'S JAR OF DIRT! :iconivegotajarofdirtplz:
BlackjackMonster Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014
Omg ily
VivaAmerica Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014
Why thank you~ :huggle:
Otaku144 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, I really hope you're planning on doing a part two!
Cloud-Cakes Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
This is amazing X3
I love it
S0ulH4cker Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
OMFG THIS IS SO AWESOME!!! especially since i fucking luv pirates! I feel like jack sparrow *0*
canadatheninja Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconmoarplz: :iconnoawplz: :iconyayenglandplz: please please please make more I love this *-*

Also if you do could you send me the link please ^^
MomoMomone12 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
hetastuckgirl16 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you should totally make this into a story~!!!
hetastuckgirl16 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ignore that comment XD this is awesome though~~
seffykoepsel Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
very nicely done my dear. 
Kira-Jones Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013
Artistmema123 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2013  Student General Artist
PART TWO!!!!!q!!!!
Skywolf064 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013
Love it!
kittykatrocks12 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

“We’re out of rum!”

As soon as I read that I thought of Jack Sparrow and "Why is the rim gone"


Great story

To-be-with-the-stars Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist
I am like a female of Captain Jack Sparrow only maybe a lot better. I pictured myself like this when I read the ending:Jack and Dirt emote 
TheErmagerdGirl Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2013  Student Artist
Crew member: Captain!! We're out of rum!!

CIChantea Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
yay yay yay yay! love it! I kicked his ass! sorry Kirkland, maybe next time you- oh, who am I kidding, i'll easily beat him again...
Nals-luff Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I have so many feels in this chapter D: Sample: "We're out of rum!" I was like, in PotC, and Sparrow was like, "WHY IS ALL THE RUM GONE? :iconrageguyplz:" xDD And, and: "Your worst nightmare." I remember in Mulan, Mushu was like, open wings in the moonlight at the fireworks tower at the palace :iconsomuchwin-plz:

I made off with all your loot! :icondignitylaughplz: 

Ohhh, second part please! :D

There are a few minor physical corrections, but otherwise it's excellent! :D I love it!
deathhio Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
He belong to me
Add a Comment:

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